The Good Guys most men are abusers'. Actually, we know that most men are NOT abusers, most men are the good guys. But those who do choose to abuse hide behind a mask of toxic masculinity making false claims It seems that stories of violence and abuse flood our media on a daly basis. Whether it's high profile celebrities in international news hthey were just doing what ary other man would do in that a police report from the next town, or next street appearing in our local paper, or even closer to home with friends and family members part of nale ess, they are be ours delberately chosen by a few sharing their imetoo stories on social media-it would be easy to -and deliberately rejected by the many. think that rape, sexual assault and domestic viclence are normal' and Last week White Ribbon NZ addressed this when they shared to wonder where have the good guys gone? situation, They are wrong. Rape, assault, abuse are not an intrinsic ·Women's Reuge: Free national crisis ne o erates 24/7- 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womengretige org.n2 an article to their Facobook page entitled All the Men Who Didnt stories. The stories begin like so mary of the stories we see in the possibly having a couple too many drinks. In each of the stories The sad reality is that physical and sexual violence against women Assault Me' wiritten by Maura Quint. In it Maura told a number of Shine, free nationall helpline 9am- 11pm every day and girls is all too common. In New Zealand 1 in 3 women will be physically assauted by an intimate partner or family member at some media-A woman at a party, in a bar, on a date. Perhaps firting point in her life, while 1 in 4 women wil be sexually assaulted These numbers are worryingly high, and far too few of these women she meets a man who expresses an interest in her. Sometimes they come forward to ask for help due to fear of being stigmatised, or even dance, sometimes they kiss. But these stories do not end the waywww.areyouok.org n blamed for the abuse she has suffered. Because 'she most have done we have become accustomed to hearing about in the nows. In these something to cause it, right? Or 'if it were that bad, she'd just leave.' stories, when she says no, when she says stop, the men say OK Ski Providing specialist cultural services for Afican, Media coverage of abuse is important but it can also be confusing It's important that we feel sate to tak about abuse, because abuse thrives in secrecy and it's only when we talk that we can keep our loved ones safe. It is important that victims know that they are not alone and that it is OK to ask for help, that they wil be heard. experiences of all kinds. Unfortunately, I've been assaulted. I havewomen, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue that they will be believed. But while we do all this talking and undderstanding - acknowledging the painful truth that abuse is all too common,' it is equally important that we do not accept abusive whether or not the man felt it was OK or not to assault 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nuz e It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. Crisisline 24/7 0800 742 584 They show respect, they wak away. And why isn't this reported? because THIS is normal At the end of her article Maura Quint said this: 'In my life I've had also not been assau ted. The diference how much I flirted or how much I as drinking. The only difference was If you have been hurt, are concerned about someone you know, or are causing hurt to another and want to change help is available. You White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards was never what I was wearing. of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz 2 It is true that most abuse perpetrated against women and girls is perpetrated by men, however that is quite a different thing to saying will be listened to, you will be shown respect and you will be believed.